I’ve written many posts about twins, including the excitement of finding out I was expecting twins and life hacks for parents of twins. But one of the main things people seem to ask me over and over again is this: “How did you cope with twins?” This question usually comes from someone expecting twins, or someone who has a singleton and wonders what it must be like to have two squishy babies needing your attention.
The honest answer is this: you just cope and get on with it. There is no real secret. You take each day as it comes. My twins were my first children, so I had no idea what I was doing and I also didn’t have any expectations. People around me that didn’t have twins had plenty of expectations. I’ve written about the stupid things people say to parents of multiples – there was so much negativity around me but I just ignored it and got on with looking after my babies.
Advice for new parents of twins
There was a lot of trial and error, and I really didn’t have a clue half the time. I’m a serial researcher, so I spent months reading everything I could get my hands on about having twins – books, blogs, magazines, you name it and I probably read it. Reading parenting books only made me anxious and reminded me of all the things I wasn’t doing, or was supposedly doing wrong. Plus most of the books were written by people that didn’t have any kids, let alone twins!
So all the reading didn’t really prepare me for what was to come. If I had to give one piece of advice to somebody that was expecting twins it would be to search out your local multiples club. Being part of a fantastic twin club saved my sanity as it taught me everything I needed to know about raising twins.
When you have twins, the only people who can understand what you’re going through are other parents of multiples. People with kids close together in age may think it’s similar but they’re going through something totally different. It’s not necessarily harder with multiples, it’s just very, very different. A baby and toddler are at different stages of development and have different needs to two babies at exactly the same stage.
With other parents of multiples you instantly share in unique bond and you know the advice you’re getting is rock-solid, based on facts not guess work.
The local twin club quickly became my lifeline with the weekly coffee mornings being the highlight (although I do have fuzzy memories of getting up at 5.30am just to make it there for the 9.30am start with my boys!!!) Any questions I had were quickly answered as there were plenty of parents who had been through it all before me to help me with every new stage. Everyone there ‘got it’. At regular toddler groups, other mums saw me coping with my two babies and were too polite to offer any help for fear of offending me. At twin club, the second we arrived somebody would grab both babies off me and hand me a hot cup of coffee and a biscuit. At regular childcare centres they had stupid rules about not allowing prams into the centre, even if you had twins to carry in. At the twin club they had double doors that welcomed our juggernauts, and everyone understood that life was more complicated with more than one baby.
I feel so lucky to have found the club. The friends I made there are very special to me as they were my support system during the early days.
Find your local twin club
If you’re expecting multiples and you’re based in the UK, you can find a list of multiples clubs on the TAMBA website . In Australia, you can find a list on the AMBA website.
Are you expecting multiples or do you have newborns?
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Do you know somebody who is expecting multiples?
If you do, please share this post with them. They need to get themselves along to their local multiples club asap for support, advice and hot cuppas!
Do you have twins or triplets?
Tell me how you coped in the comments below! Did you join a multiples club? Or did you have other ways of coping through the craziness of life with newborn multiples? I’d love to hear about it.
UPDATE: If you’re expecting twins or triplets, you need to get your hands on my book: Don’t Panic! A Practical Guide to Twins, Triplets and More. It’s a book written for parents of multiples, by parents of multiples. Visit my book launch page for full details and purchase links for your country.
You’ve totally hit the nail on the head. I started attending a multiple club when my twins were 9 months. I now run the club and the mummies are fantastic and there’s been many if times they’ve been my shoulder to cry on. Love love loved reading this and agreeing with you xx
Thanks for reading and commenting! You’ve hit the nail on the head – a twin club is such an emotional support as everyone there knows exactly what you’re going through. That’s a big reason why I’ve written my book about multiples as I felt there wasn’t enough on the market written by people that ‘got it’. I was so lucky to get so many parents of multiples involved in it – there’s some awesome quotes in there that I hope make pregnant mums to be feel supported. Well done to you for taking on the running of your club – I can only imagine how time consuming it is as I was our club’s membership co-ordinator for a year before I had my daughter. It’s such a worthwhile cause and so many clubs go under as they can’t get people to take on the baton, so well done you! #twinclubsrock
I agree so much with everything you say! I wish I’d have found our local twins club before my girls were 2 but even then it was an amazing support from our very first session. Twin mummies are the best! xx
Twin mummies just get it don’t they? It’s like an unwritten law that they will just understand exactly what support you need – whether that’s a hot brew, a hug or a big sack of baby clothes! #twinmumsrock
It’s as if you’ve been inside my head and heard my thoughts! I had great plans to attend all sorts of playgroups with my boys when they were babies with my singleton friends but that just didn’t happen after one trip to a play group at a children’s centre when I couldn’t take the pram in and it was just an awful experience seen as one decided he was having a sleep whilst the other one kicked off. I looked around and all the other mums were happily cuddling or playing with their single child whilst chatting away. The twins group has been my saviour and I count down the days and hours until we can go again!! Can’t wait to read more x
All of your plans change when you find out it’s twins, don’t they? Don’t get me started on the issue of banning prams from children’s centres – I had a major issue with a children’s centre about it. They said nobody – regardless of how many babies they had – was allowed to bring a buggy through the doors!!!! I was INSANELY angry when the manager couldn’t see my point of view about how difficult that would make my life. She said the receptionist could help me in with my two babies and bag if she wasn’t on the phone. I never went back as I was just so cross about it. Twin clubs just get it like nobody else. #allhailthetwinclubs
Fantastic post!!!! I’m very lucky to have an amazing local twin group. I’m so greatful for the frienship and support of all the other parents. It’s so nice to go somewhere where we’re not a curiosity and there’s always extra hands to help. My girls and I look forward to our weekly meet ups all week.
Thanks. Twin clubs rock don’t they? Yet I had no idea they even existed before I found out I was expecting twins!
Omg….are you psychic? It’s like you’ve read my mind with your article. I never knew my local twin club existed until after I’d had my boys which wasn’t too bad as I worked right up until a week before giving birth @ 38 weeks. It was just a pure stroke of luck that I found out about my twin club as I literally bumped in to the chair person and secretary of the twin @ the local st George’s day festival when my boys were 3 weeks old. Since then I try to go to every meet up because all the other twin mums just get IT!!
Now my boys are 9months and I don’t think life would have felt as starlight forward if it wasn’t for the lovely group always on hand with tea and biscuits lol xxx
Haha I think we all share a special bond that makes us a little bit psychic! How is it that twin clubs are hidden until the moment you find out you’re expecting more than one baby? I had no clue they existed either until I started to google questions about expecting twins and then I stumbled upon my local club. How many mums out there have their babies and never discover there is a local club down the road that could give them masses of support? That makes me sad. This post is getting lots of shares so hopefully it reaches some newly pregnant mums so they know to search out their local club via TAMBA. Thanks for reading. Enjoy your babies – that age is lovely. x
I wasn’t lucky enough to live near a multiplies club when I had my first set of twins 9years ago. Two years later I had my 2nd set of twins, there still wasn’t a multiplies club near me when was just as well because even if there was, I defiantly wouldn’t have had time to go!!! Having 4 children under the age of 2 and a half is a memory I’ll never forget and an experience I never want to repeat!!! There’s only one way to cope with twins and that’s put your head down and so the best you can. Don’t listen to other people’s horror stories, don’t mind people forcing to ‘start’ a routine…. Your twins will decide the routine and you just learn to work with it. The first 2 years are really hard but once they start playing together you won’t know yourself!! You don’t have to entertain twins like you do a singleton (and I know this because my first son was a singleton)
My oldest boy is 12, the big twins are 9 and the small twins are 7…. I wouldn’t change my life for the world!!!
I wasn’t lucky enough to live near a multiplies club when I had my first set of twins. Two years later I had my 2nd set of twins, there still wasn’t a multiplies club near me which was just as well because even if there was, I defiantly wouldn’t have had time to go!!! Having 4 children under the age of 2 and a half is a memory I’ll never forget and an experience I never want to repeat!!! There’s only one way to cope with twins and that’s put your head down and do the best you can. Don’t listen to other people’s horror stories, don’t mind people forcing you to ‘start’ a routine…. Your twins will decide the routine and you just learn to work with it. The first 2 years are really hard but once they start playing together you won’t know yourself!! You don’t have to entertain twins like you do a singleton (and I know this because my first son was a singleton)
My oldest boy is 12, the big twins are 9 and the small twins are 7…. I wouldn’t change my life for the world!!!
It sounds like I need to find a twin club. I have nearly 7 month old twin boys and I attend a mothers group (all other mothers are singletons) which I enjoy. I have met up with a few twin mum’s but all the babies are a similar age so I don’t think anyone really has any more of an idea about what they are doing than the others.
I’m a member of the multiple birth association so I’ll look into a coffee group there. Thanks for the advice.
Oh yes, a twin club will be a huge support for you. If you’re in the UK, search on the TAMBA website for your local club. Or if there isn’t one, maybe you could start one up! Mum groups are all great but there is something extra helpful about a twin-specific one when you’ve got twins. Good luck! x
Online or offline, I agree wholeheartedly. You need twin mum support right from when you first find out you are expecting twins. There are just some things you will only experience if you have multiples – from feeding and sleep training to how to deal with preschools and sibling rivalry. Have twins is really hard. That piece of insight came from a friend who has 2 sets of twins plus a singleton. She had 5 under 5 – eek!
Wow 5 under 5 – just the idea of that makes my head hurt!!! My three under three was tough enough. Then again, once you’ve had one set of twins I think it makes you fearless and able to tackle anything life throws at you. We were very much prepared for my daughter to be twins again and we were quite excited about the possibility of having two more babies at the time. In hindsight, thank goodness she was a singleton as two of her would have had us pulling our hair out! She turned out to be way more challenging than her brothers. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. x
What a fantastic article – I’ve only just discovered my local twin group and it’s so much better than any of the singleton ones I’ve been to. Completely agree with you that no one dares to offer help at other groups in case they offend you, yet can see you’re struggling with two babies (one of which, or both, is kicking off). The first thing people say to me is ‘how do you cope?’ I’m sick of hearing it to be honest, but always reply with something positive, or at least a ‘I just do – I have to.’