I managed to catch my cool duo before they went to their first birthday party ON THEIR OWN! Yes, that’s right, they went to a party and I left them there!
As I child, one of my earliest memories is being dropped off by my parents at a friend’s birthday party. As soon as my mum walked out of the door, I remember screaming the house down. She didn’t even make it out of their driveway before my friend’s parents had to wave her back to come and get me. I must have been a year or two older than my boys are now, so I expected them to need and want me there with them too. I thought T2, at least, would try to cling to my leg as I said goodbye, but both of them ran in to play and didn’t look back. My heart broke as I stood in the doorway watching them absorbed in their own little world with their friends.
Husband, E and I walked around the corner to have a pub meal and a glass of wine. E slept through the entire thing in her buggy, which meant we got to have grown up conversation and enjoy the food instead of asking small people to sit down/stop throwing food/keep their voices down/eat their dinner. It was very bittersweet because although it was lovely, it was a sign of what’s to come as the kids grow up and start doing things without us.
For the first time in four years it feels like I don’t have any babies. The boys are getting ready for school and E is just coming up to 18 months so is a toddler now. I can’t decide whether to feel excited that the hard work/no sleep phase has passed, or feel broody for number four (which might I add is completely impractical and illogical given we’re about to emigrate!!)
I’m never going to feel prepared for them not needing me anymore. It’s a terrifying thought that I’m not going to be their whole world for much longer. I’m scared of having a house without babies in it, as it has been such an incredible phase of my life that I’m not sure I’m ready to give it up just yet. Somebody, please invent that pause button, fast!