At the weekend over a family lunch, we played a game I like to refer to as ‘arse’ versus ‘ass’. Ever heard of it? If your family is a mix of southerners and northerners then the chances are you’ve played it.
In case you didn’t know, I’m northern.
I was born in Sheffield, grew up in Lincoln and then moved back to Sheffield for half of my twenties. (OK, technically Lincoln could be classes as the Midlands, but it’s northern compared to where I live now). I will always be northern, no matter how long I live in the south (ten years and counting).
Husband, on the other hand, couldn’t be more southern if he tried. He’s from Hayling Island and he grew up a street away from the beach on the south coast.
(Yes I know this is a picture of London, not Hayling, but you get the idea).
The game began with Husband pointing to his glass of drink and asking the boys what it was. T2 told him it was a ‘gl-ass’. Husband corrected him and told him it was called ‘gl-arse’. T1 stepped in and told him he was being silly and it was definitely a ‘gl-ass’, not a ‘gl-arse’.
I chuckled quietly in the background. Husband then went on to ask what the green stuff outside was. The boys both shouted ‘gr-ass’ in unison. After a sharp intake of breath, Husband went on to explain that it was pronounced ‘gr-arse’. Then he told them to say ‘ca-r-stle’ not ‘castle’ and ‘barth’ not ‘bath’. The boys thought he was being hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing at him.
I’ve obviously taught them well.
He finally gave in when one of them offered him another ‘breadcake’ for his ‘dinner’*.
*For the non Sheffielders out there, a breadcake is what we call a roll/bap, and dinner is what we call lunch, because our evening meal is called tea.