I often wonder how I coped looking after two babies at once. Although E is an easy baby, I can’t imagine having two of her to chase after.
There are so many differences this time around, both good and bad.
If E is grumpy in the evening I can hold her in my arms while I cook dinner – this is something I couldn’t do with my boys. They were left to cry more often because I couldn’t always be there for both of them.
If E cries while we’re out with the buggy, I can take her out and carry her –I never did this with the boys because I knew if I picked one up I couldn’t push the heavy double buggy one handed plus I knew the other would get jealous and demand to be picked up too.
I still take E to rhyme time at the library each week. By the time my boys were her age we’d had to stop going. It became impossible to keep them both near me on the floor – they would speed crawl under the chairs in opposite directions. One would head to the nearest shelf to pull off the books and the other would motor towards the open double doors that led out to the street.
I can take E swimming. This is something the boys rarely had chance to do because carrying two babies and two swim seats to the pool was too tricky and stressful.
So many things are easier this time around and I think a huge part of it is down to how chilled out I am now, which in turn has made E into a chilled out baby. But there is one thing that is so much harder than I ever expected. It’s something that all singleton parents face but as a twin parent I’d never experienced before now … letting your child go through a new experience on their own.
I started sending my boys to a childminder for a few hours a week when they turned 14 months and I didn’t think anything of it. I looked forward to the break from them where I could work and drink hot coffee for a change. Last month, I started sending E to a childminder for a few hours a week. She goes with the boys for one session which is completely fine as I know they’re all together, but one session she goes alone while the boys are at preschool. The first time I had to leave her there was heartbreaking. I had tears in my eyes all the way home.
Twins always have one another. I’ve never worried about leaving them places because even though they play separately most of the time, they can find the other for comfort if they need it. Singletons have nobody – they have to stand alone straight away. Of course, they have no idea what’s going on, but for me as a mum I’m finding letting go of her so much harder.
Your second (or in my case third) child feels so much smaller and more vulnerable than your first. I feel the need to protect her more than I did with my boys, and it’s not because she’s a girl. I think I feel a bit sorry that she hasn’t got a twin brother or sister of her own to keep her company. I’m sure as she gets older her brothers will look out for her, but I hope she isn’t jealous of their relationship and that she realises she is special because she’s a singleton just like they’re special for being twins.
I can see all of the amazing benefits of how much easier things are for me this time round, yet pushing my singe buggy around gives me a pang of sadness that my boys are growing up and I’m out of the twin baby/toddler phase. So anyone out there with twin babies, take note: although it is tough right now, at some stage in the future you might look back and sort of miss this crazy period of your life. Enjoy every second of it. xx
I had everything the opposite way round to you, so I always think having my son was like a practice run for what was to come! When my twins were born I did miss being able to take just my son our on his own and do things with him. I was never able to do the same with my girls like swimming because I had to wait until my hubby was off work so we could go together.
Having twins does bring challenges as well as rewards doesn’t it? It’s lovely having had the experience of both twins and a singleton. I think if I’d had E first I wouldn’t have known what had hit me when my boys arrived! xx
I know a couple of people with twins who say although it was hard they didn’t know any different so they just got on with it. I imagine if you had twins second time around it might be a lot harder!
Knowing my eldest though it scares me to thing about two of him as i find it hard enough keeping tabs on him as it is as he never sits still! Having a play mate at home must be fantastic though 🙂
We really appreciate them always having a playmate now, although it also means they’re distracted most of the time so getting them to focus is a challenge! x
Love this, I am pregnant with one girl and have 20 month old twin girls and I have been thinking alot about this sort of thing – looking forward to the baby stage as I was so busy ‘coping’ I didn’t really appreciate how little and wonderful they were at that age. Very excited about swimming on my own with baby instead of having to take an army! Great writing 🙂 x
Thank you. It really is lovely having the experience of one baby after twins. Equally there is just something incredible about cuddling two babies together and knowing your body produced two at once! You have lots of great moments to look forward to. xx
So very true. My twin girls are now 5 and my little boy is 14 months, and the differences, both “good” and “bad”, are coming thick and fast, and some hadn’t even occurred to me, like almost feeling guilty that my little boy doesn’t have someone to play with all the time!!
I found that one very strange – I hadn’t really thought about it until recently but I felt sorry for my boys for sharing me and I feel sorry for E because she doesn’t have a play mate with her 24/7! Us mums like to feel guilty for everything! xx
What a thoughtful piece. I really enjoyed reading this. I have seven and a half month old twin girls. I hadn’t thought about what might be harder/more poignant with a singleton, but you make a good point. And the reminder to live in the moment and try to enjoy is a good one.
Thanks. I know how hard it is to remember to live in the moment though – with my boys I was always looking forward to the next stage – weaning, walking, talking. This time around I’m trying to step back from it and enjoy E being a baby for as long as I can! xx
Sort of makes having twins sound cool! 🙂
It absolutely is! xx
This is a great piece. My boy and girl twins recently turned 4. It was/is such a challenge, but i treasure every moment. My two are very competitive now which I hadn’t expected as much as they are boy and girl.
Ah the same age as my boys then. Mine aren’t particularly competitive, but I try to make them that way sometimes to hurry them up getting dressed in the mornings! xx
Thank you for this! As a mother to a 3-yea-old boy and 1-year-old twins, my “twin mommy guilt” threatens to drown me sometimes. Glad I’m not alone.
Writing this I realised it doesn’t matter if you have one or two babies at once, you’ll always find something to feel guilty about!! I had no idea I’d feel guilt with a singleton, but I can now see there are great benefits to having twins just as much as there are benefits to having one baby at once! x
So true! Any activity we do out of the house is either very carefully planned and/or is a 2-parent venture – they dart opposite directions! Very interesting to hear you feel a bit more protective. I wonder how we’d feel with a 3rd. Though we agree we cannot adopt twins again, we feel sad that the 3rd will be solo. London & Asher have each other for everything!
It is challenging but it’s an incredible adventure. I wonder at what age they’ll stop going in opposite directions! x
Reblogged this on enspyred and commented:
Just found this blog post from ‘Tales of a Twin Mom’ about the differences between raising singletons and twins. Worth reading. Especially about the challenge when the twins decide to go in opposite directions 🙂
This I a really good post. I do think it also depends on your perspective though. I had my singleton first and so things were kind of opposite to you. I never took him out because I was too scared he would cry or need to nurse, where as I took the twins out every day, twice a day starting at three months until I went back to work when they were a year old. With my son I would sit and nurse him, and I was so scared to put him down because he would wake up and cry, leaving me pinned down and miserable. WIth the twins I did everything from brushing my teeth to making tea while nursing, and when they were done I’d put them in their swings so I could have some time to wash my hair or play with my son. I do agree with the more vulnerable thing though. I went back to work when my son was 8 months old (hubs took the rest of the leave) because I felt like he didn’t need me anymore and I missed working. When the twins were 8 months old I couldn’t imagine going back to work, nor did I want to. I am curious as to what it would be like to have a single after the twins, but alas, there are no more children in my future. Cheers!
I have 4 yr old girl/boy twins and a 17month old boy. I found the baby part of twins so hard but nw it’s just so wonderful. I love their games and the way they entertain each other totally. My littlest seems to think he is one of them in terms of age and tries to do all they do! I am so grateful that my twins will have each other when starting school and so glad they are in the same class. I too look back nostalgically on that hard but magical twin baby toddler stage!! But I am looking forward to doing a few one to one things with my singleton! And maybe even cleaning the house occasionally!!
Really great blog thanks
That’s a similar age gap to mine then. It certainly does get easier in lots of ways as they grow up doesn’t it. My littlest really misses the boys when they’re at pre-school as she feels like she’s one of them too. As we’re moving to Australia soon, I’m really glad my boys have each other and can start their school together in the same class. If they didn’t have each other I think I’d be really worried about them settling in. Haha you’ll never end up with a clean house though until they move out (not if you’re anything like me anyway!) Thanks for taking the time to comment. x
I hoped to have the next child soon after the twins, well in a few years. Maybe 3. Has not happened yet. We hope it will and if it does, great. if not that is o.k too. However I feel that having twins as my first children has allowed me to be strong and to believe I can do anything. It has given me more strength and power that I never knew I had.
If I am lucky to have the 3rd child or second pregnancy I think that it would present some challenges, however I have visions of being with one baby and enjoying the cuddles, spending time breast feeding one rather than worry about a baby that falls down the side of the lounge.
I love my twins to bits and they are such lovely people and characters. They will always have each other and I do understand that the single baby might be a bit left out from time to time.
Great post and interesting take on raising twins and then a singleton.
Suzanne